:: love like no other

I have once again picked up reading The Imitation of Christ by Thomas à Kempis. Mind you, I do not always agree with his perspective, but for the most part his thoughts are challenging. My approach is to randomly click on a chapter and see what the text brings about. Today I found Book Two-The Interior Life, Chapter 11-Few Love The Cross Of Jesus. Here is a powerful excerpt:

Jesus has always many who love His heavenly kingdom, but few who bear His cross. He has many who desire consolation, but few who care for trial. He finds many to share His table, but few to take part in His fasting. All desire to be happy with Him; few wish to suffer anything for Him. Many follow Him to the breaking of bread, but few to the drinking of the chalice of His passion. Many revere His miracles; few approach the shame of the Cross. Many love Him as long as they encounter no hardship; many praise and bless Him as long as they receive some comfort from Him. But if Jesus hides Himself and leaves them for a while, they fall either into complaints or into deep dejection. Those, on the contrary, who love Him for His own sake and not for any comfort of their own, bless Him in all trial and anguish of heart as well as in the bliss of consolation. Even if He should never give them consolation, yet they would continue to praise Him and wish always to give Him thanks. What power there is in pure love for Jesus — love that is flee from all self-interest and self-love!

I am sure you are wondering what this excerpt spoke to me. Well, my recent post entitled rollercoaster ride metaphorically tells the story my family and I have been on the past seven years. As a result of that journey I have discovered many issues about myself and others, as well as the struggles before us all. One of my discoveries, in dialogue with Chris Chappotin, is my wavering love for Jesus and humanity. It’s not easy to admit, yet it is important to face this issue in order to right-the-ship of my life. My pursuit of Jesus and his movement here in north Texas was truly pure and motivated by love for Him and others when we arrived, but that changed and I did not know it. At the end of my self-evaluation it really is love that was lacking. This problem is not because I lacked the “spiritual disciplines” of prayer, meditation and study. No, rather it is because I was not always focused on the one who disciplines my spirit and quenches the cravings in my soul. My hope is to continually receive the pure love of Jesus in me so my self-interests and self-love disappear, so that my life is one lived with gospel intent and complete abandon to Him.

May my life and yours not be a hinderance to the movement of the Spirit. May my life and yours be a catalyst for others to come to the Cross with their self-interests and sin to be reconciled and redeemed to God through Christ. May we gather around Christ for the purpose of being on mission with God.

Ponder these questions:

Do you love Jesus the Christ?

Does your heart break for humanity…for your neighbor?

Do you struggle with self-interests and self-love?

Do you live with gospel intent?

Does your life reflect complete abandon to Jesus?

:: rollercoaster ride

Those who know me can tell you I am a contemplative person who likes to look back on life and see where I’ve been, while still moving forward. The problem is that sometimes I look back and end up walking in circles. Yeah, it’s not always a healthy thing to look back. Kind of like when you’re riding a bike and look back to learn you are pulling the bike into oncoming traffic. It could hurt. Lately I’ve been thinking about the last seven years of living in north Texas. I’ve met some great people along the way, but life hasn’t always been a great ride either.

Some background: We (my family and I) retired from the Air Force on December 1, 2004. The two and a half months prior to that date, we spent taking terminal leave, which included us going to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon (awesome sight), driving from Colorado to Texas, living with my in-laws, Paige finding a job, the boys entering new schools, buying a house, my finding a job, and working on my MBA.

Between then and now life has truly been a rollercoaster ride, or several rides, at that. This is especially true when it comes to finding a community of faith, and now I’m sick to my stomach from all the twists and turns on those rides, but there is a cure. It starts with telling my story from the theme park perspective.

Buckle up: The first adventure started out wonderfully. The folks on the ride were precious, but it seemed to only be going in circles with very little adventure. Kind of like the kiddy train. So, my family and I felt called to lead our own little adventure. Man it was awesome! We had a good mix of people on this journey with us who liked the postmodern/emergent feel because they could creatively express their hearts without facing judgment. I believe they were genuinely loved. We all enjoyed the experience of the slow rise to the top only to see there was a big drop on the other side. What seemed like a smooth ride soon spun me in circles, while at the same time pushing me up and down the track. Finally, the ride came to a complete stop and the candles blew out of our emergent project. The supportive partners wanted us to report our success with numbers, as well as increase those numbers, but all we wanted was to travel along side others as they sought after and discovered a Jesus they’d never experienced before. The pressure was also on us to answer “why” our project didn’t look like other more established projects. My thought was, “Why did we want to create something that already existed?” So, we uprooted ourselves and moved on.

We got in line again, but this time on a different adventure. We also took the idea of our little adventure and inserted it into another at the blessing of the leadership. This had the same type of landscape as the previous, with its climbs, drops, swirls, ups and downs. It was enjoyable as well because we loved and cared for our partners, but as the adventure continued it became more difficult and with a few more bruises. We thought we were on a missional journey, but after an abrupt stop I was made to realize the emerging expectations from leaders in this partnership. Those expectations were not in harmony with the vision the Spirit had given to us. The leadership was displeased that I had turned down an opportunity to join them. I was also asked to tell my wife she could’t ride up front anymore. The fun of that ride was gone and so was the momentum of our own little adventure. I discovered that this really wasn’t a missional journey…only something with a missional label slapped on it.

Well, I took my bruises and pain to the next adventure. Yes, I took my family for one more ride. This time it started out nice and slow with beautiful, organic scenery that was very intimate and refreshing. The leader was one cool cat. The ride was slower than the others, but it seemed as we kept moving forward it was being pulled in two directions. Suddenly, it derailed and our somewhat enjoyable ride was cut short. It was such a tough experience because this ride broke down and was dismantled. Some of the cars were put on another track, while some of us were left standing and staring at the remaining cars. We wondered if we could put together a new ride. It never happened.

So, it’s been several months since the last true adventure. We’ve walked around the theme park and tried a few other rides and none of them were right. Something was missing, or the leader was taking his folks where we weren’t willing to go, or at least where I wasn’t. We tried, but because of my personal issues we’ve stayed away from the theme park as a whole, while humanity passes by unbeknownst to them that our world had crumbled. Sure I can blame others for the stuff we’ve been through because of their part in the process, but in the end it all falls on how I’ve reacted to each situation.

Retrospect: There was a spiritual wilderness I unintentionally led my family into on this journey. Jesus was before me asking that I follow Him with complete abandon and not worry if I looked the fool. He’s been asking me to be the branch that abides in Him, the Vine. He’s telling me to go and make disciples. I am discovering that the noise from other leaders got in the way of my hearing that message….the voice of the Shepherd.

Not about me: Now, there have been some amazing people we’ve encountered on this journey, whose friendships are cherished to this day. Because of the relationships developed through our own church plant, I’ve had the honor to officiate the weddings of three incredibly beautiful couples. I witnessed several people embrace baptism as they entered their journey with Christ. I have seen people endure the struggles of some sort of addiction to find healing in Christ. The Lord taught me to make myself available to strangers who needed someone to listen as they wrestled with their pain and struggle. Probably one of the most humbling things any person can engage in is the privilege of discipling/mentoring/challenging others to follow the ways of Christ. The Lord has been gracious to allow me that opportunity, even in the midst of the wilderness.

All the while, my three awesome, rock-n-roll sons are growing up to be loving, creative and giving young men. Like with all teenage boys there are issues, but none that will diminish my love for them. Each of them is brilliantly talented musically. Each has his spiritual gifts from an amazing God. Each of them wants to change the world in their own way. My prayer is that it is always for the sake of the kingdom of God.

Finally, there is my most amazing and beautiful wife. She continues to endure my stubbornness and stupidity. I don’t listen to her enough and as a result I continue to march around the mountain with my tail tucked. I continue to wrestle with my own demons. I owe her my life for loving me when I haven’t been loveable. For trusting me when I wasn’t trustworthy. For finding beauty in me when I have been ugly and mean.

Transition: So, seven years have passed, and while my intent is never to use scripture out of context, or for my own gain, it feels as though I have a Deuteronomy 15:1 moment before me. There is this sense that God is saying, “I’ve cancelled your debt through my Son. I’ve taken away your shame and blame. It’s time for a fresh start with a new focus on living a life of gospel intent that is soaked in grace…like my Son.”

Will future adventures be chaotic, risky, painful and bruising? Without a doubt, but this time we need to take that experience and use it as motivation to engage the marginalized people where they are with all their issues. We must do all this while keeping in mind that we too bring our own issues. So, we begin the journey of finding another adventure (local church) in hopes of discovering a community that embraces the marginalized…and us.

I leave you with a final request…

Wanted: A missional and incarnational community of faith that is local to the Burleson/Fort Worth, Texas area. My family and I hope to find a family that will accept our quirks, imperfections and egalitarian view. Why the egalitarian view? Because in the end I don’t want to be “that” guy. Yeah, that guy that God asks, “Why didn’t you let my daughters play in my kingdom?” Therefore, we are looking for a community that understands the Lord Jesus can and will lead His local church through any and all of his disciples. We want to be on mission with God by immersing ourselves into the fabric of the Spirit’s movement in the lives of humanity for the sake of the kingdom. If you know of such a community in the Burleson/Fort Worth area, please drop me a line at firefly63@gmail.com. I’m not opposed to partnering in planting the gospel and growing a community of followers/disciples of Jesus either, but it would have to be done with a team willing to endure the long haul of growing together in missional/incarnational life. The ministry of reconciliation is before us and the spiritual well-being of humanity is at stake here. Grace and peace…

:: heard it on the radio

On the way into work, and on the way home, I’ll sometimes listen to “Christian Radio” to hear what it is that people are being taught by preachers or talk show hosts. Yesterday morning I listened to a talk show where a lady called in to express her concern with our nation’s political problems and how they are impacting her religious rights. She had recently watched the Rick Perry ad about the “war on religion,” which led her to make the following comment (I paraphrase):

“I’m worried about the way our rights in America are being eroded and taken away. With our rights being taken away it’s like we Christians are being persecuted, and that means we won’t be able to share the good news. I’m afraid we will become a secular nation and we won’t be able to witness to the lost because our religious rights are being taken away.”

As expected, the radio host vehemently agreed, and asked that we “pray for our nation to return to its roots of being a Christian nation.”

I’ll admit, it still perplexes me that the notion of the U.S. being or becoming a “Christian nation” is still part of the evangelical discussion. Yet, it was the lady’s statement that really got my attention. Since when is it a requirement to only share the good news when there is no persecution, or struggle? It’s like a slap in the face to the early Church, as well as the current underground disciples in oppressed countries. I’m not wishing persecution on those of us in the Western world, but we need to keep it in perspective of what it means to follow Jesus and make disciples. Struggle is part of the process of following Jesus. My friend, Chris Chappotin, says it seems that today’s Christians would rather have a comfortable and fluffy church life. I agree with that thought, yet to our failure scripture doesn’t promise a comfortable and fluffy life in Christ, or a cheap gospel to share. Nor are we promised religious rights, but we are called to righteousness. We are called to identify with the Christ crucified. The Apostle Paul says it best in Galatians 2:20 (ESV), “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

After reading the verse in Galatians and considering the lady’s comment, I wonder if sometimes we would rather rewrite scripture for our own benefit. For instance, we could change Jesus’ words in Matthew 28 to say we should “go and make disciples of all cultures where you have religious freedom and aren’t persecuted. Teaching them a gospel that is safe, comfortable and fluffy.” The sad reality here is that she is only regurgitating something learned elsewhere and knows no different from what scripture teaches.

If we put this all in relation to the time of Jesus it was those marginalized by the religious who were persecuted. The early Church faced persecution because of their obedience to be in movement with the Spirit of the resurrected Christ as they penetrated their culture through an incarnational life, which challenged the religious status quo. Like the first disciples, we should take to heart the words of Jesus where he says, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

While our “religious rights” may be eroded and even taken away, we who follow Christ still belong to the King and his kingdom. The Truth of the gospel still transcends all philosophies and cultures. God still reveals Himself in all of Creation and in the world’s cultures. Therefore, we must seek Him out and join him on mission…with or without religious rights.

What say you?

:: my spiritual birthday

Thirty years ago today (October 16, 1981) God found me in the midst of the muck and mire of life. I was hopeless, helpless and lost in the sea of a broken humanity. My emotions were beat down and the pain in my soul was deep. It was as though life was just not worth living, and I figured no one would care if my wretched self was not around. To my surprise fate would have it that I would run into a little Jesus and he would squelch any possibility for considering suicide. This little Jesus had the reputation of being the coolest dude in town and then he suddenly disappeared for a couple years. On this day he reappeared dressed in all black like Johnny Cash. Who is this dude? He’s Danny Saldaña. A long-time friend.

I remember seeing him walking down the street pondering whether I should offer him a ride. Needless to say, I pulled over and gave him a ride to his parent’s house. He had no idea where I was headed or the pain stirring in my heart. We stopped at the front of his parent’s house about 6pm where I asked the fatal question, “So, what’s been going on with you since you left this small town?” Why was it fatal? Well, what came next ruined my life and my plans for a quick departure of this earth. Danny told me his story. It was a story of how God had found him in his darkest time and redeemed him. He shared how his life was turned upside down and that he hadn’t been the same since discovering the love of who he called a “radical Jesus.” It was a love greater than anything he had ever imagined. He shared how he’d never felt so high in his life…even higher than his drug filled days.

Next thing I knew it was 6am and we parted ways. My heart was stirring with tons of questions that made their way through the pain. I drove home and sat on my bed asking God if he would do to me what he had done to Danny. I wasn’t sure what it meant to follow Jesus, but it had to be better than the pain I was enduring. Since then it’s been a transforming journey that many times has been painful. I’ve lost friends on the way because of death or just because of philosophical differences. Still, the Lord continues to change my heart and thinking.

At times I wonder what life would have been like for my family if I’d ended my life. It always breaks my heart to think of not being here because I’ve enjoyed the beauty of God’s grace with some amazing people throughout the years. My heart has been challenged and encouraged by many of you who are reading this confession. I’m beyond grateful that God found me when he did. Otherwise I wouldn’t have met the friends I have in real life and in the virtual world. Most importantly I would not have met the most beautiful and amazing woman in the world in my wife, Paige. God would not have blessed me with three very cool sons who continue to make me proud to be their papi. I guess it is a wonderful life.

As I celebrate 30 years of trying to follow Jesus, my hope is to keep going on for 30 more. There is more of life to experience, history to be made, and plenty of stories to be told. I must let go of my selfishness and pettiness. I must get back to loving and caring for the least of these because when God found me I was one of the least of these.

grace and peace…gibby

:: drinking the kool-aid

From The Monkey and the Fish by Dave Gibbons:

When I first went to Bankok, I was told by Jim Gustafson to be sure to adapt to the local cultures and customs. So, immersed in the new culture, I tried to be sensitive about my Western ways. I really wanted to make sure I respected the Thai culture. Moreover, on one of my visits prior to my move to Bangkok, I noticed the international churches there seemed to have few Thais among their community. I didn’t want to make the same mistake. And then it struck me–the connection between the surreal scene of the British country Club and the church. We in the church seem to do the same thing the country club did. We replicate places where we all drink the same Kool-aid and hang out with people who are attracted to the same things we are. These communities tend to be exclusive and insular, but God has called us to become like water, to adapt to the currents where he is flowing. (pg. 196)

peace…